Tha-thump. Tha-thump. Tha-thump. I’m sure he’s saying words, but all I can hear is my own heartbeat. Tha-thump, tha-thump-
“Kari!” With sudden silence, my ears were no longer flooded with blood. I looked up and winced back away from his cold eyes. “Pay attention. You’re never going to be let out like this.”
“I felt it again.” I bowed respectfully, snapping back up to sit properly before him. With my legs folded below me and my hands in my lap, I looked up at the image I’ve known since I was five. Cadeyrn, my father’s brother, had reluctantly taken me in when it became clear Mother would bear no male children. It was the third try when they’d given up, resulting in my sisters and I. Kaisa, the youngest, is seven years old and had been sent to the Southern villages to become an apprentice to the baker there; it wasn’t unusual for children of our status to gain jobs when jobs are few for even adults. Kalina, the middle child, lives with us still but she has been prearranged to marry Zan, the son of another noble family. I am the lucky one, to take up the position our brother would have taken should we have had one.
“It is nothing. I told you, what you sense can be no more than the edges of your own mind. Crazy, this one is. They would have been much better off to send me the shorter one.” Cadeyrn muttered, putting away our tools. “Your test is in an hour, and you’ve done nothing but slack. Got your head in the clouds, you do, and I wouldn’t be surprised if the elder sent you away to live with the Moderns permanently. Why I couldn’t just take the Biin boy, I’ll never know.” He slamed the door, giving up on me.
I sank down on the cushion I sat on. He’s right; I’ll never pass. But he couldn’t have taken Zan Biin as his apprentice, for only our family has learned this through the generations. Father to son, it’s taught, and twice already the ritual has been broken in my generation. It’s supposed to be Cadeyrn’s son that learns these ancient secrets, but his wife died young and bore him no children. So he must teach the next able child; his brother’s son. But, alas, Father has no sons and so I was chosen. A lowly daughter, whom so many believe is incapable of bearing the physical strain that is a part of my training.
I stood up, stretching my tiered limbs. I can’t even conjure a sphere; I’d never pass the test, and then I’ll disappoint Father. But running away would hurt him more; he was so convinced he’d be proud to be the father of the first female Keeper. I’ll never leave this village, let alone become a Keeper.
My last hour free of the discriminating stares passed too quickly, and I found myself standing, head bowed, before the elder for trial. The entire North Village stood around us, waiting in anticipation.
Today, March 30th, was the day every apprentice to the current Keeper held trial. Today was the day it would be determined whether or not I was to be allowed the final training, or if I must end now. The final training would take me away from this village and into the world of the Moderns, where I would be able to live for a year. I didn’t know what I would have to do there; no one did except for Cadeyrn and the elder, who had been the Keeper before him. My grandfather.
“You hath finished your training.” He said slowly, and all the whispers ceased. The whispers had been biting at my back, slashing me and beating me down. A girl can’t become a Keeper; it’s unheard of. “Do you believe you are ready?” I was taken aback. What does it matter what I think? What do I know, I’ve only just dipped a toe into the life of a Keeper. How am I supposed to know if I’m only the apprentice?
“I-I don’t know sir.” I stammered, fully aware of all the stares. “I don’t think so,” He stared at me, neither warmly nor coldly. Just wearily. “No. I’m not ready.” I couldn’t lie, and I had to take my master’s word. He knew better than I, and the entire village agrees, which means it must be true, right?
“Why do you doubt ye'self?” The elder asked, no revealing emotion in his voice. I hesitated, thinking on how to word it smartly.
“Because, those who would know my skill better than I have told me so.” I answered, glancing behind the elder to where my master stood six paces back. The ice in his stare was no different than I knew for ten years.
“Do you believe others over your own knowledge?” He asked, making me look back to him. I didn’t know what he was doing, but I did know not to drop my guard. That was one thing I have learned from all my years of training.
“Yes, when I believe they are more experienced. Is that not the reason I am apprentice and he is master?” The elder nodded approvingly.
“Yes, but it be not his word you should listen to, Young One.” He stared down at me, still very tall in his old age. “It be mine. I do not see you as powerful and disciplined as Cadeyrn had been.” I bowed my head, readying for the verdict. “But you possess another attribute that makes you just as strong.” He turned his head up toward the crowd around us. I glanced upwards, the smallest hope sparking in the lowest part of my stomach. “We have a future Keeper of Wind Tides: young Kari Draco will set out to the Modern’s world upon sunset.”
Instead of the clapping that I expect had followed similar words in previous generations, murmurs overcame the entire village. I had done it. I don’t know how, but I'd passed. I’m not strong enough to raise a sword and I’m not quick enough to outrun the goats, but somehow I had passed.
Sundown was mere hours away. Father was more proud than I doubt even he'd expected to be and Cadeyrn did poorly to hide his disapprovement, but neither reached me through the flurry of emotion and colors that rushed me towards the boats. No one would come with me; I am to go alone. I was about to begin my own life, and I can’t believe I did it. I get to leave for the final training all on my own, and I had no idea what I was supposed to do. I was terrified, and I was exhilerated.
Looking back from the rear of the ship, the entirity of everything I'd ever known looked no smaller than it would from a mile above. But this was so very different; it was a different angle here and an entirely different perspective. It wasn't I that was embracing the wind; it was my uncle. It wasn't to home that I'll fall when the wind dies down, but to an entirely different world.
But if I could make it this far, then I can complete this final stage of training. There's no way I'm coming home until this year was up, with my tail between my legs. I can do this.
My hearing started to fade and I was forced onto my knees; vision blurring. My mind opened up.
Tha-thump. Tha-thump. Tha-thump.